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Flip Me Muddy Funster

Most people can get through life without bouncing from one ridiculous incident to another. Unfortunately I am not one of them..................

This morning I celebrated the start of the day by kicking over a full cup of coffee and added to the growing crop of weird and interesting stains on our carpet. Phil has managed to get more carpet cleaner this evening and I am currently writing this blog entry in a solvent induced haze. Later on, I hopped onto the train bound for our capital city and enjoyed an M and S lunch whilst listening to the most excellent Russell Brand. I put my hand in my bag, felt something very squishy and pulled out a very black, very squashed banana. Urrrrrrghhhhhhhhh. I am constantly leaving rotting fruit in bags. It has been so bad that I got pulled over by a sniffer dog in America for trying to smuggle fruit in when I didn't have any in my bag. The odours of the rotting fruit over the years obviously has permanantly fixed itself in my bag. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway, I was jollyly (is that a word?) listening to my ipod, all the way on the tube to the lecture place and popped to the loo. I stood up off the toilet and felt my ipod come off my trousers. For a fleeting moment it was dangling over the toilet until my headphones could not bear the weight anymore and it landed with a splash in a toilet full of wee. Now at this point, a normal person might consider what to do next. I, however, without hesitation, plunged my hand into the toilet and rescued my drowing friend. The worse bit was that cos it was covered in urine I had to give it a wash!
So, it is currently dead. But I have not given up hope, I have wet it before and after two days it came back to life. Watch this space.........................

Well, what a week....................

Started with seeing the Bluetones on Tuesday. I haven't seen a gig in ages - as most of you know, Phil goes on his own usually but I quite like the Bluetones so I went along. It was at the Junction in Cambridge, a place I have only been to as a cheesy 70's club. We went in and it was like something from the twilight zone. The support band was going and there was loads of couples standing watching, not moving, just staring at the stage. I thought that they all looked liked zombies. Anyway, we stood with the zombies, pints in hand and watched the pvc clad women shout 'Autodisco' whilst some bloke was singing a cover to Donna Summers 'I feel love' It was a tad surreal. Anyway, not long after that, the Bluetones came on - mega early. Must have been so the people watching could go to bed early. Well, all the bluetones fans are late 20s/early 30s. Not so young anymore. Phil and I were dancing like loonies in a sea of zombies. It was really fun. I tried to start a fight with a women by kicking a pint glass at her but she was too polite. Alright, it was an accident but she did look peeved. Anway, then some members of the support band came and stood next to us cos we were the coolest looking people in the place. Or possibly cos there was a space in front of us. One of the two. By the way, Bluetones were great and played a suitable mix of classics and new stuff.
For those who follow Phils blog, I am sure he is going to do a review of the gig. I have a feeling it will be a slightly different review to mine.
oooops, Phil has just knocked his glass of red wine over. Actions stations. In this house, split drinks and broken wine glasses are the norm. And I love it. It felt like a source of huge stress when I was growing up and I love the fact that now that I have my own place, a broken glass or a spill is not the end of the world. Accidents happen, and I think there is no point shouting at people about it.
Right, time for I am a celebrity..................................................

this white woman can't jump

I had a personal training session yesterday which are really good, apart from when she makes me jump. She makes me get right down in squat position and then jump on top of a high step. I find this move really distressing, which is completely ridiculous. It takes me right back to being at school where I had to do the high jump and couldn't. I just used to run right up to the bar...........and stop. I think I made some feeble attempt to push the bar off. Also the hurdles at senion school were just as distressing. The sport teacher starter her stopwatch and turned her back on me. I set off, running round all the hurdles, she turned back and said 'oh what a shame, you just missed that last one' My legs just won't do it. I blame my father, who traumatised me at an early sports day by entering a wellie throwing competition and throwing the wellie backwards, almost hitting a crowd of people. For shame!

Boobs of a glamour model, cankles of a horse

So I am trying my best to get fit at the moment. Sod the healthy eating......seen to eat well up till Thursday when it all goes to pot (cue sip of lovely glass of white wine). But I am managing (with the help of a personal trainer) to get alot of exercise in. And I can definitely see the changes........I feel fitter and more toned. The downside is that I don't seem to tone up in a lovely sleek athletic fashion, more your chunky weightlifter. I don't seem to lose fat, just gain muscle. I have always had trouble with chunky calves, they don't seem to fit in normal size boots and not long ago I learned that I had 'cankles' that is, calves that merge into ankles. To try and disguise this, you will find me tottering around in wedge heels that according to Trinny and Susannah, will give me the legs of a supermodel.................. or at least make my calves/ankles look less like a horse. They also have the added advantage that they are marginally more comfortable than high heels. And I have to wear heels since trousers are always too long for me. Agggghhhh the perils of being a shortarse. However, due to the chest exercises I have been doing, my boobs, despite being glamour model size and entirely real, have gained some perkyness and seem briefly to be defying gravity. Excellent! Well, we only have the body we are born with and you win some, you lose some. I think as I am getting older I am becoming more accepting of my flaws and perhaps, when I reach 35, I might be happy with my body............just as gravity takes its hold.

Becoming more like Alfie.......

Ok, at the request of my dad and others I have restarted my blog. How long will this last? Who knows.

I love this weather (oooo check me, how English - which reminds me I read a book on holiday that was complete wank. Watching the English it was called. Maybe one day I will do a rant blog on it. Hmmmmm a rant blog. A Rog or Blant. I think I like Blant). My bike rides to work are really nice. Everything is all frosty and it really feels like it is close to Christmas. Also, it has the advantage that I don't arrive at work like a sweaty pig. Although, do pigs actually sweat? I think I read somewhere that they don't. Let me google it now. Well apparently they do but not so well and some breeds more that others.

I am back at my Masters at the moment although this week I had a ridiculous lecture in a computer room about how to search for papers on the internet. I quote "Click on the e to open up explorer" How the fuck to they think I got my two degrees without knowing about searching for papers and going on the internet? So we skived most of it. What a rebel I am. We then searched out the student union at Kings. When we did find it, it was empty at 5pm. Kings students must work hard. Anyway, they served Worthys!!!! So I had to have a half and pretend I was a proper student before my last ridiculous lecture about radiation.

So not much more stuff of note happened this week apart from me causing a man to fall off a treadmill. But what I did want to say, and if you have seen me recently you will have heard me rant about this, is STOP CALLING YOUR CHILDREN ALFIE. I am in neonatal screening so we get all the newborn samples in. Thus I know the names of every baby born in East Anglia. Practically all new boy babies are called Alfie. Stop it! Alright, blant over.

I know somewhere you could put that sonic screwdriver.........

Now I never used to watch Dr Who when I was younger. Not sure why. I think it is because of mum being scared of it when she was little. And probably cos dad is scared of it. We started watching it cos Phil used to watch it when he was younger and loved it. I wasn't so much into it initially however, slowly but surely I have become completely addicted. The writing is fantastic and the stories are great. I really admire Russell T Davis and his writing.

But the biggest thing that surprised me is that I suddenly want to do bad things to David Tennent. Eeek! You probably didn't want to know that. I have seen him before in things and he really didn't do anything for me. Don't get me wrong, I always thought he was a good actor and I could apreciate him in an aesthetic sense but as the Doctor he has that something extra. The sad thing is that I am sure I join the ranks of 14 yr old girls who have a teenage crush on him. Tragic!